Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
