someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
