He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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