I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
