come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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