yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
