Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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