the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
