I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
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I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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