So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
