Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
