there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
