if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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