She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
