Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
