I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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