He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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