I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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