I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he was CRYING into my vagina
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
