11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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