Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
