why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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