i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize