Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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