You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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