Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
