you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
