If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
