physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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