i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
