you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
