I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
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Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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