Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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