Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
