this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
