I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
