Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
