I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
