They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
