Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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