and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
