i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
