Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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