it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
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I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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