I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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