i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
