I'm jealous of your bromance
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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