I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
