My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
