i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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