Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Oh god it's open bar.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
