it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i came on her dog
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
