How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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