i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Randomize
