Don't you send me to vm
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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