is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
