I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
