his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
