I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
