PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
