also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
