I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
