he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
