and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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