ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
where are my eyebrows?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
