I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have surprise drugs for everyone
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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