the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
