dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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