Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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