we made out on top of his cat.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
