On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
