there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
