I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
